I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
