this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
