Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Terrible idea I love it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
