i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
