absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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