The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
