Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
