Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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