I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish there were birth control emojis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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