Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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