What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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