I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
