I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
