Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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