Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
