I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
