Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
