No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
