we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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