her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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