You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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