Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Be still, my beating vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
