I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
