i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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