I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
