Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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