I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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