Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no, he came in my armpit
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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