I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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