she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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