I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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