she woke up with a sticky ear
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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