Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
