I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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