I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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