Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
