and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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