I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I want is dick and wine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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