why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
