I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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