I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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