id be glad to
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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