I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
