fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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