you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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