I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
