I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
