I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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