I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sponge bath it is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
