sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
