Don't you send me to vm
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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