Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to sanitize my soul.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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