I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
