I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
