I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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