My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
