how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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