i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
