I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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