Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
