look no pants
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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