T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
