That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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