he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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