I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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