i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
